The concept of a man cave conjures up different things to different men. All of us non-fairer of the sex all have their own unique concept of what a man can should be and what it should be used for.
Some think, beer, TV, nudie posters and pinball machines others, a He-Man-Woman-Hating Club of sanctuary. All of these are equally valid and impressive but to a cyclist there is an added need and function to the man cave.
When I began my foray in to cycling I lived in Central London. My now fiancée and I at the time lived in a 2 up, 2 down Victorian terrace house with no garage, no shed and no viable space for a man cave. In addition, as all keen cyclist, I would be damned if I was going to pay some chup at the local bike shop and small fortune to fix and flat, or dial in my rear derailleur. Damn it all I was going to learn. And learn by doing.
So with my bike sitting on its saddle and chain stays in the air and spread like a $5 hooker I would tinker around with rag, degreaser (the magic liquid) and multi tool in hand.
Now with no man cave this was not only futile, but also dangerous as I was “forced” to use the only suitable room in the house…. The Kitchen. After a short while 1 bike became 3 and now the Kitchen became and workshop / parking garage of the 2 wheel variety. This was only going to last so long until the mrs became the ex. Still, what it a man to do?
When the opportunity came to move, we where on it like a flash. From London Greenwich park to Sydney’s Upper North Shore we packed our house for the 3 month shipping across the world and make sure to take at least one bike on the plan so that we could “keep our form” and we moved.
There were only 2 provisos when looking for a house. The Mrs wanted a garden and I “needed” a man cave.
Building a Man Cave:
A man cave is not a function of the space, but what you put in it. As such, no two man caves are alike as no two men are a like. We will each have a different concept of utopia and strive to turn this in to reality. There are some things that we share and they seem to make them in to most man caves. The main one that I have noticed is the need for a nudie poster. It is a good as any place to start and really set the scene for the man only part of the house.
Nudie Posters / Calendar
As cyclist we have Cycle Passion! Sweet Jesus. It is bike porn heaven. Only only are there shots of carbon Ti sexiness, but Boobs! And Cyclist Boobs to boot! Boobs man, boobs! Who ever though of this concept should be Knighted. This is a must for the man cave. Now, I do not know what I did in a previous life to deserve this but the MRS actually bought me the latest calendar without me even asking. She understood why a man cave is and what it need to be.
Not the prerequisites of sexiness! Pinarello Dogma (check), Smoking Hot Brunette (Check), proof of Cycling Credentials note the tan line. Enough said, HOT!
Tool Wall:
For me this was the big one and the main reason why I was dreaming of a man cave for so long. I wanted a place that I could have all my bike tools where I could see them. Ensure that I had every tool for the job and tinker away till I was blue in the face.
The need I feel sprang from two places. Firstly, my Granddad used to have his own man cave. Built up over decades, with every power tool you could imagine he would build things, often for no reason, but hell, he could do it. I remember that we used to have to save baby food jars, so that he could devide each and every short of screw and bolt. He even would build things for the man cave so that he would build more things. That is cool anyway you look at it.
The other came from working in a bike shop. I realized just how straight forward most things on a bike are and that given enough time with the Park Tool catalog you could fix just about anything. Also, why buy a bike when you van build, or rather assemble.
In the spirit of my Gramps I decided not only to get a tool wall but to build one. For this you will need tool. Hence the chicken and the egg.
Basically all you are talking about it s bit of MDF and some straight peg hooks and a lot of time. The idea was to be able to see and organize all the tools that I need on a day today basis and buy the biggest tool box I would find for the very few remaining tools.
Once completed I realized that I did not have enough tools and found myself going to the hardware store, and the bike store to ensure that this wall was full. Most of them I did not have a need for at the time, but I can assure you that I sleep better knowing that if I ever need a crank pull (despite all my bikes having internal BB) I will be a good stead!
Hint: Draw around your tools once installed. This way you know what tool is missing and can accuse the whole family of not putting your tools back until you find it under a rag and quietly put it back in its place.
Bike Rack!
Space is a valuable commodity, as we all know, so organization is the key to this one. The idea was to find a way to fit all 5 bikes (Road, Tri, MTB, Mrs MTB, Mrs Road) all in to the man cave and still have room for TV, Beer, and sofa. Not easy!
The solution was to hang ‘em by the toe. I am easy and cheap solution I took from many bike parks and shops was to get the wall hooks and just let them hang. Not only does it work, but also there is something very nice about seeing all of them in such a need row.
TV: Beware!
The TV is always a good addition to the man cave but beware this can backfire!
I had set up a little TV is the corner to be able to watch re runs of Paris-Roubaix and listen to Sean Kelly’s docile tones on Eurosport as the comments of the bleeding obvious for 4 hours straight. I good ideas I felt at the time. The problem was that I also set up my Turbo trainer in front of said TV. Now I see the turbo as a necessary evil when the weather or the sun turned against us cyclist. My Mrs sees it as a spin bike and a great way of tightening the buns! I have no issue with her using it but there is a line that one never crosses in a man cave. You don’t alter a man’s man cave! Ever!
Firstly she thought that we should paint the walls to “brighten it up”. NO!
Secondly, she wanted to move around the man cave to have a better view of the garden. NO!
But worse of all…. As I went to pop in my copy of Hell of the North in to the DVD player I was confronted with a sin so ugly I cringe at the thought. There was series 1-6 of Sex in The City stacked high my the spare cassettes.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! She girly-fied my man cave. She has tainted perfection. What is next, potpourri and throw cushions!
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